M's blog

Why Parents Drink

2007-06-13T13:46:00.000-05:00

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not arrived one day and had not phoned in sick. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello?"
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes", whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes"
"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes" whispered the child, "a policeman ".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the Boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he’s busy ", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
“A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter"
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."ME"

Its Been A Long, Long Time

2007-06-07T13:50:00.000-05:00

Wow! I'm not believing it either....what a post??? I must tell you I am happy, happy, happy!!!! FINALLY after a very, very long time I can truly say and mean it...I'M HAPPY...

I am giving all the credit to someone who means everything to me. And here he is....

I hope someone out there will give me a shout.

Where to Begin...

2006-08-31T14:00:00.000-05:00

So much is going on that I don't know where to start. I'm still jobless (going crazy!), screwing up my life.

Heather is getting married Sept 16 and so we are tying up loose ends....

I just got out of a psychiatric hospital one week today. I spent 8 nights, 9 days in there. I was like hell, a prison. I was admitted for depression/suicide/alcoholism. I am doing better - still not ok but am taking it one day at a time.

Bret and I are getting a divorce...

See I told you there's a lot going on.

Today, I'm Old

2006-06-20T10:13:00.000-05:00

Remember when you were little and how "old" everyone who was taller than you seemed. For some reason I got it in my head that 40 was old. I never wanted to get that old. Even as a teen and young adult I never wanted to get to the age 40.

Today, I'm old. Today I turn 40. I'm depressed and want so badly to turn back time. I don't want to move forward.

I always thought by the time I do get to this age, I'll know exactly what I want out of life. I never really knew what I wanted to be when I "grow up"...and I'm amazed to find myself sitting here still trying to figure out what it is that I want to be now that I'm grown.

My sister greeted me with a pleasant phone call - NOT!!
M - Hello?
Sis - wake up Marti you're 40.
M - shut UP!
Sis - laughter - you're 40 and over the hill - laughter
M - SHUT UP!
Sis - Just say you're celebrating your 20th anniversary of your 20th birthday
M - put Seth on the phone

My nephew Seth (6 yrs old) is in the background yelling happy birthday - He sang me the birthday song and it was precious! His brother Jonah (2 yrs old) was singing so I told her to put him on the phone and he sang me the birthday song. It was adorable. That made my morning wonderful....

Mom called a left a message - it was so precious - I cried. I will cherish her words forever. Thank you Mom for having me. Thank you for being my Mom. I love you too.

In Loving Memory of My Dear Freind Deb

2006-06-19T13:15:00.000-05:00

~ FRIENDS ~
As we walk our path of life,
We meet people everyday.
Most are simply met by chance.
But, some are sent our way.

These become special friends
Whose bond we can't explain;
The ones who understand us
And share our joy and pain.

Their love contains no boundaries.
So, even we are apart.
Their presence enhances us
With a warmth felt in the heart.

This love becomes a passageway,
When even the miles disappear.
And so, these friends, God sends our way,
Remain forever near.

Debra "Deb" Lynne Johnson Fike, died on Saturday, June 17 at Erlanger Hospital following a long battle with cancer.

Deb was a 1977 graduate of Red Bank High School and was employed by UT Orthopedic Surgery as a Resident Coordinator for over ten years. She was a faithful member of Chickamauga Church of Christ.

Memorial contributions may be made to Ovarian Cancer Research Fund, 14 Pennsylvania Plaza, Suite 1400, New York, NY 10122 or online at www.ocrf.org.

I'm Loosing My Best Friend

2006-06-16T09:57:00.000-05:00

My best freind Deb is the hospital right now dying....I've been visiting her and it's tearing my heart out. This beautiful person is fighting, fighting for every breath of life. She doesn't want to give up. She's not ready to leave behind three kids (ages 23-17). She's not ready to say goodbye to her loved ones and freinds. But this ugly disease is winning the battle. I love her so much and like the rest don't want her to go. How cruel how utterly cruel you are cancer! You strip a person of their beauty, dignity and will power. How cruel you are taking away loved ones, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers and freinds. Cancer you always win in the end - I hate you.

I'm So Very Proud of My Girls....

2006-05-10T23:36:00.000-05:00

Heather decided she needed to get her hair cut. I couldn't believe it...she too had a foot of hair cut off and donated to Locks of Love...you know it's the little things that mean the most to a parent. After all we try to raise them the best we can.

Before

After

I'm Still Here....Just Waiting For Someone To Find Me

2006-05-01T23:06:00.000-05:00

It's been 2 months since I quit my job and it's driving me crazy!!! I'm tired of asking hubby for permission to buy flowers or this or that...I'm tired of hearing him say "we spent too much money this month". What do you mean we? I have to ask first remember?

I've applied with 2 temp agencies and still haven't found a damn thing. I'm so sick and tired hearing the same ole song and dance...You're over qualified or have too many years experience. I would love to tell them what they could do with my experience!!

2006-03-07T07:30:00.000-05:00

Last week Holly decided that it was time to get her hair cut. I made an appointment and bought her a book of hairstyles. She chose a style that I love but never imagined her wearing.

After all was said and done...Holly is thrilled with her new "do".

Yesterday the hairstylist got her workout in for the day just from cutting all of Holly's chocolate locks.

Holly is donating a foot of hair to "Locks of Love". I'm so proud of her...

Before

After

It's Just a Thought....

2006-03-02T21:26:00.000-05:00

I know it's been a while but after quitting my job, I have found lots of things to do other than sitting in front of a computer all day long.

Today I had an interview with a job placement agency. I was told that I am over qualified, had too many years experience and there are no positions open that she could offer. I gave her a minimum amount that I would accept for salary and that sunk my ship even deeper....Oh, but according to the agent, I have excellent interviewing skills...go figure and no jobs are available - hahahaha what a joke!

The job I was at had me feeling worthless, not needed....now, I feel like I've hit rock bottom....excuse me miss you have a great resume and qualifications however, we are unable to assist you at this time.

I relayed all this to hubby and ended with the dreaded what if question. His answer was...you might have to apply at Wal-Mart. Nothing is wrong with the people who takes care of us in the retail business....it's just that I haven't done something like that in over 20 years...I'm not saying that I'm better than that it's just that once you've established a career you kind of expect to stay in that field. Even if you do have to make a stand and say enough...I'm not going to be a door mat any more!

On a positive note....I have excellent interviewing skills

It's Been Two Weeks Since I Walked Out

2006-02-27T07:29:00.000-05:00

Well I've been busier than ever since I quit 2 weeks ago. Lu, Dana, Misty and the rugrats came down Saturday for a tux fitting only to learn that they RR didn't need to be there until one month before the wedding. UGH - sorry guys for the that big inconvenience.

Lu gave Misty a tour of the house and naturally it was a wreck. Now, if the two of you would like to come back now would be the time to do it. I have been cleaning like a mad woman. It's amazing how much crap you accumulate. I'm surprised we have enough room to walk around in this place.

Last week I headed out to a job placement agency for medical offices. They will be calling me this week for an interview. I would love to stay home and continue to down size but hubby says - HELL NO - Marti you have an expensive hobby...spending money!!! Oh well, guess it's back to the drawing board.

I hope everyone had a great weekend.

I DID IT....!!!!

2006-02-16T08:35:00.000-05:00

I quit my job...yes you heard right. I walked out Monday. I was pissed, fed up with the whole thing and had a bruised ego....whew- what a relief! Hubby is still in shock but me, I have never felt better!

Two of My Favorite Things!!!

2006-02-10T08:00:00.000-05:00

You Belong in Paris

Stylish and a little sassy, you were meant for Paris.
The art, the fashion, the wine, the men!
Whether you're enjoying the cafe life or a beautiful park...
You'll love living in the most chic place on earth.

What City Do You Belong In?

You Should Date An Italian!

You love for old fashioned romance, with an old fashioned guy
An Italian guy is the perfect candidate to be your prince charming
If your head doesn't spin enough, just down another espresso with him
Invest in a motorcycle helmet - and some carb blocker for all that pasta!

Which Foreign Guy Should You Date?

For My Dear Friend Deb

2006-02-09T08:00:00.000-05:00

If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you,
And share with you its beauty
On the days you're feeling blue

If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own,
A place to find serenity,
A place to be alone

If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea,
But all these things I'm finding
Are impossible for me

I cannot build a mountain,
Or catch a rainbow fair,
But let me be what I know best,
A friend who's always there

Sydney Thacker

My dear friend is dying from ovarian cancer. She has been in the hospital for 2 weeks and is getting worse each day. I love you Deb and will greatly miss you.

Just For Fun

2006-02-07T08:55:00.000-05:00

I stole this from Cyl who stole it from Jules now we're all theives!

All the one's I have done have an X before them. Feel free to do this yourself - or not ;)

[X] I've run away from home

[] I listen to political music

[] I collect[ed] comic books.

[X] I shut others out when I'm sad

[] I open up to others easily

[X] I am keeping a secret from the world

[] I watch the news

[] I own over 5 rap CDs

[] I own something from Hot Topic

[X] I love Disney movies

[X] I am a sucker for hair/eyes

[] I don't kill bugs (I hate lots of bugs - so yes I kill them every chance I get)

[X] I curse regularly (Especially when I'm drunk, happy, mad, glad or sad)

[] I have "x"s in my screen name

[] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation

[] I love Spam (um...no freakin' way - the meat product taste like shit and email spam drives me insane)

[X] I bake well (when I cook which is hardly ever)

[] I would wear pajamas to school (Are you kidding me! The school would all become violently sick! All the kids would have to seek therapy because of the freak show!)

[X] I have a job (I am so miserable at this job...looking for a new one)

[] I love Martha Stewart (maybe not LOVE but hell, I would LOVE to have her money. Don't be fooled the chick has plenty left in the bank)

[X] I am in love/like with someone

[] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS

[X] I am self conscious (At times ..... become more confident when drinking)

[X] I like to laugh

[] I smoke a pack a day (I don't smoke a pack- afterall, I'm a drunken social smoker)

[] I loved Go Ask Alice

[] I have cough drops when I'm not sick

[] I can't swallow pills

[X] I have many scars

[] I've been out of this country (One day!)

[X] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room (Hell No! I hate those suckers!)

[X] I am really ticklish

[X] I love chocolate!!! (OMG who doesn't?)

[] I bite my nails

[X] I am comfortable with being me (Ok I have to agree with Cyl - who else can be this comfortable being me?)

[] I play computer games/video games when I'm bored (I'd rather sleep)

[X] Gotten lost in the city (I must admit to this one Lu - "I'm Fine! I'm Fine!)

[X] Saw a shooting star

[X] I had Surgery (both knees - I'm not bionic but I do have teflon screws in both shins holding my knee caps in place)

[X] Gone out in public in your pajamas (Again - Freak Show! But have done it taking the kids to school)

[X] I have kissed a stranger

[X] Hugged a stranger

[X] Been in a fist fight with the same sex (Use to fight all the time especially anybody who challenged me)

[] Laughed and had milk/soda come out of your nose

[] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator (This is one thing that really pisses me off! I get into the elevator and someone has pushed all the buttons - No thank you, I don't want the scenic tour of every freakin' floor)

[] Made out in an elevator (No but have fantasized about it)

[] Swore at your parents (At least not to their face)

[X] Kicked a guy where it hurts

[] Been skydiving

[] Been bungee jumping

[X] Broken a bone (cracked my head open once diving in the swimming pool)

[X] Played spin the bottle

[X] Gotten stitches (I want a zipper tattooed on all the scars just on my knees)

[] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour

[X] Bitten someone (Isn't bitting foreplay? ;)

[] Been to Niagara Falls

[X] Gotten the chicken pox

[X] Crashed into a car (no but I crashed a car)

[] Been to Japan

[X] Ridden in a taxi

[] Shoplifted

[] Been fired

[X] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back (makes life a bitch)

[X] Stole something from your job (I thought most people do-ink pens, toliet paper, copying paper, co-workers husband)

[] Gone on a blind date

[] Had a crush on a teacher

[] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans (I have been to New Orleans 2 wks before Mardi Gras and it was just as wild! When is New Orleans ever not wild?)

[] Been to Europe

[] Slept with a co-worker

[X] Been married (Still am 21 years)

[] Gotten divorced

[X] Saw someone/something dying (My boss is currently dying from cancer - she is in the hospital as I speak)

[X] Driven over 400 miles in one day

[] Been to Canada

[X] Been on a plane

[] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show

[X] Thrown up in a bar (tequila)

[] Eaten Sushi (Oh HELL NO!)

[] Been snowboarding

[] Been skiing

[] Been ice skating

[] Met someone in person from the internet

[] Been to a motocross show

[] Going to or have gone to college

[X] Done hard drugs (JD, vodka, tequila, beer, speed, mary jane..do any of these count?)

[X] Taken painkillers (Oh Yea babeeeee)

[X] Cheated on someone else

Mom, Please Listen To What Your Body Is Trying To Say.....

2006-02-06T07:58:00.000-05:00

Thursday, I get this phone call from sis Lu. "Mom is at the ER. She called me crying with her leg hurting". I began thinking to myself, what's happening to Mom? Why can't she have a peaceful life? Why does she have to put up with all the bull*@#! that she does? Why???

Sis calls again (later)- The docs think Mom is having a stroke. She doesn't have any feelings in her right leg and right arm. Now, here comes the panic mode - then the anger - now the sobbing. The doctors really don't know what's going with her but she is refusing to stay in the hospital. Her main doctor finally told her if she didn't stay overnight, she could die. She stayed but wasn't happy about it.

I go up Friday (she was already home) not knowing what to expect. There laid my momma in her recliner - trying to rest. Dad was sitting in his chair and I sat down on the couch. Mom, I said, what are you going to do now? Well she smiled and gave me this look that only a daughter understands. I knew what she was going to do.....go back to work just to get a little peace and quiet.

We talked for a few minutes then dad starts with his regular I'm hungry routine and never ending drama. I told him I would go get him something to eat. Mom insisted upon going with me. Mom! You just got out of the hospital and you're in pain. She didn't care, she needed to get out for a few minutes. I drove we talked, got dad something to eat then went back to their house.

After that all hell breaks loose! I'll fill in the details another time. I understand why mom feels like she has to work. I understand why she feels the need to get out of the house for "few minutes". But, I think she realizes that her body is screaming for her to STOP - it's time to take a break! I can't continue going on this way. We talked about this for a while Saturday and I hope that she listened....

Mom, I love you and don't want ANYTHING to happen to you. I couldn't imagine life wihout you. Please take care of yourself....remember I'll find a way to put you on my insurance, all you to say is I'm on my way to my room.

Nothing, Nadda, Zero, Same Ole' Thing.....

2006-01-30T10:31:00.000-05:00

That should sum up my weekend. Just another routine kind of weekend....something's got to give or I need a new life!!!

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, and Spaghetti

2006-01-27T11:46:00.000-05:00

A wealthy man had been having an affair with an Italian woman for several years.

One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money, if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said. "You received a very strange post card today."

"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it," he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and fainted.

On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, and Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without.

I Knew It!! One Day They Will Come and Take Me Away.....

2006-01-23T09:39:00.001-05:00

you are the cute but psycho happy bunny. You
adorable, but a little out there. It's alright,
you might not have it all, but there are worse

which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Three Things I'm Not Ready For.....

2006-01-23T07:27:00.000-05:00

This year I have to face three realities in my life....I know I'm not ready for one of them and the other two well, let's just say hang on baby this is going to be one hell of a ride.

1) I'll be 40 years old
2) Heather, my oldest is getting married (Sept 16)
3) I'll be a "Nana" the second Heather & Steven is pronounced man and wife

OMG - the bar on this roller coaster ride is locked in place. I can't squeeze out of the seat but am holding on for dear life...."Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the year 2006. Please remove glasses, hats and any loose articles. Please remain seated at all times....."

Sandra, Heather's soon to be stepdaughter is as every 4 year old is....a charmer. I was keeping Sandra at the house one evening and she wanted to watch Cinderella. I put the movie in and thought it would be fun for her to play the character Cinderella. I found an apron and feather duster, tied a scarf around her head and began calling her Sanderella. She was thrilled. She started calling me Stepmother (and still does).

Now that Heather and Steven are engaged, I asked Sandra if she was going to call me Stepmother or Nana. She told me Stepmother and she was calling hubby Stepfather. Um, I think I may have confused her...don't worry Heather it'll be ok....I think.

Thanks to Little Brother...I've Been Tagged

2006-01-20T00:57:00.000-05:00

Five Weird Things About Me

1) I'm from the South and I hate grits

2) I love to work out in the yard but hate the feel of dirt on my hands or under my nails

3) My sister Vicki

4) My sister Lu

5) My brother Oz

A Happy Birthday to You, A Happy Birthday to You...

2006-01-19T13:38:00.000-05:00

Everyday of the year, may you feel Jesus near....

Happy, happy birthday we're so proud of you....
When I say Happy, you say Birthday - Happy - Birthday

Oh, BTW - Happy Birthday Sis

I'm Going to Be How Old?

2006-01-13T11:33:00.000-05:00

Oh my GOD! I was lying in bed last night and it hit me like a ton of bricks - 40 bricks to be exact.

Marti, this year you'll be 40! Sick feeling in my stomach....ugh!

I had to remind myself to breath and thought how is this possible? I shouldn't be "40" yet!

To the Most Beautiful Person in the World....

2006-01-10T10:05:00.000-05:00

Mom,

You filled my days with rainbow lights,

fairytales and sweet dream nights.

A kiss to wipe away my tears,

Gingerbread to ease my fears.

You gave the gift of life to me,

And then in love, you set me free.

I thank you for your tender care,

for deep warm hugs and being there.

I hope that when you think of me,

A part of you, you'll always see.

Happy Birthday...
Robin

Did I Hang the Stockings by the Chimney With Care?

2005-12-21T09:53:00.000-05:00

....last Thursday our beloved Father called me up to announce "We are having Christmas at your house." Now I was thrilled then it hit me OH MY GOD - when? When are we going to have Christmas at my house! Hubby and I have been remodeling our living/dinning room. My house is a complete and total TRAIN WRECK! In at state of panic I managed to piss him off. Let's just say we don't have the same concept of "cleaning and getting the house ready" for company. I made it well known that he was out of his freakin' mind and left him with the clean up!

The NCAA Championship game was Friday - over 20,000 people bought tickets but I feel most assured more people showed up for tailgating and all the extra curricular activities that go on at a football game. Me being the mom that I am and who is very much involved in my kids life, is over the parking for all events held at the college stadium here in Chattanooga - was at the stadium 10:00AM and by 3:00PM ALL LOTS WERE SOLD OUT! The game didn't start until 8:00PM.

In the meantime, I'm stressing over the Family Christmas get together. Come to find out no one can make it until Sunday - with the exception of good ole dad! He's ready to show up at any given moment. I'm in a whirlwind by now and for the life of me can't remember what day it is or what's going on...Lu called to let me know that Dad was pissed and decided to cancel Christmas! Way to go Marti - you managed to screw Christmas.

Hubby and I got the train wreck cleaned up and what relief. BTW my house looks SO GOOD. Vickie decided to go to Mom's Sunday evening and have Christmas with them, which was wonderful! I get this call. Marti. Yes Mom, when are you coming up for Christmas? Now I'm thinking in the back of my head...I thought Family Christmas has been cancelled. Mom, I'm not sure. I hope to get up there sometime this weekend.

Holly is in the marching band at the high school. This year our band has been invited to go to the Cotton Bowl - Dallas, Texas and perform in the halftime show, parade as well as compete in different categories. We are leaving two days after Christmas and won't be back until Jan. 3. Am I ready for this trip? HELL NO!

Do I have all my Christmas shopping done? HELL NO! Marti - what are you waiting for? Christmas is still a month away right? No you idiot! Its Sunday...so I've been trying to get the shopping done - hasn't happened yet.

Last night we had a Christmas party for all the band students. While at the party, we board members worked on the Dallas trip. Why, why do we do this to ourselves? Oh, that's right, because we love our kids and family.

Wishing everyone a Very Merry Christmas and Peaceful New Year.

Going Away for a While....

2005-12-05T08:29:00.000-05:00

I don't know what to say yet I have so many words screaming to be said....I can't and I won't. Words penetrate deeper than any sharp object ever could.

To much at stake. Too many people will get hurt.

Wasting Away In Margaritaville, Spanish, Tequila

2005-11-22T13:26:00.000-05:00

Ok, I learned that A) I really shouldn't try to learn Spanish while drinking much less try to use it 2) I don't need to pour margaritas from a pitcher while slightly intoxicated....ok plastered and C) Boy howdy! What a difference tequila and a day makes....

Some friends and I went to one of our favorite American Mexican restaurants - Las Margaritas. Now we had every intention of having a good time. The only thing Marti didn't plan on was trying to talk to the server in Spanish - I did have somebody with me trying to tell me what to say. Southern girls need not speak Spainish-emphasize the word Spain...I was told our server patted me on the arm and said that's ok...you really shouldn't try. Alrighty then, I'll give my hand at pouring more drinks.....ok this drunk server spilled half the pitcher of margaritas all over the table...oh the beauty of tequila running off the edge of the table.

I don't quite remember getting to my friends house....she and her boyfriend helped me down the stairs, who in the heck puts a bar on the top floor of a 2 story building with no elevator? I handed my keys to my buddy's boyfriend, stumbling down the stairs all the while saying I'm going to be sick - thank God that never happened.

The next day....unbelieveable, I felt GREAT....who knew!

Happy Friday and It's Finally Fall

2005-11-18T10:31:00.000-05:00

Although the leaves have pretty much fallen off the trees, it officially feels like fall. It's nipply outside and time for bulky sweaters, hats, gloves and heavy coats! As I mentioned before, I love this time of year.

Lu, I hope you are doing well...hang in there. Jonah will be ok....love you Sis.

Vickie, where the heck have you been? I haven't talked to in like forever...love and miss you Sis.

TGIF!!! I hope everyone has a great weekend.

To Answer Your Question, Ease Your Mind and Kill the Curiousity

2005-11-12T10:13:00.000-05:00

No, I'm not having an affair....and no, "The Kiss" was not about me.

Now I know who trusts me and who doesn't

Drama, Drama, Drama.....

2005-11-07T09:51:00.001-05:00

My everyday life is nothing short of boring...thanks to Heather and her continuous drama. Sometimes this drama can be overwhelming then at times....the drama or role playing can be so degrading.

I am in charge of parking for all the events held at our college stadium. I am the person who has to make sure that enough people are at these events to cover all parking entrances. Saturday - football game....parking covered....

After the game, a bunch of us decided to go out. None of us had eaten a good meal and so..off we went. Now, I am 39 years old and shouldn't have to check in but...needless to say I chose not to call home and just took off. OH MY GOD big mistake! Heather called my cell phone several times. Bret called my cell phone a couple of times...I didn't hear it ring...

Well, it was 1:00AM when I pulled in my driveway. How do I know this?

Here we go....Mom, what time did you get home last night? I don't know. I know it was after 12:30. Mom, it was 1:00 AM. How do you know this Heather? Because I was talking to Dad (who by the way was home) when you pulled in the driveway. Oh, why were you talking to Dad? Because Mom, we (Dad, Holly and me) were worried and didn't know where you were. Dad thought you were still at the stadium. We had to take Steven's friend home so on the way back Steven, Holly and I drove by the stadium to see if you were there. You did? Yes, it was 12:30AM and the stadium was empty. So Mom, where were you and who were you with? Um....Heather, are you checking up on me? Should I be? No! I'm an adult and don't need a babysitter. Mom, obviously you don't care what you do or how it affects this family.

I'm thinking to myself you little brat...who the heck do you think you are? I DON'T have to answer to you!

Later that night, I was talking to Bret....I told him about mine and Heather's conversation. Then I proceeded to tell him that I don't want to be responsible for anyone but Robin....do I have to get permission to go out? He said I should have called...he didn't know if I had been in a car wreck or whatever. So, I do need your permission...Bret, don't take this the wrong way but, I don't want to be a mom, wife or anything anymore. No, I don't want a divorce...I just want to run away for a while. I want to be me! You're gone through the week and can leave everything here and me....well I want to go away and you stay here and deal with everything.

He understood what I was saying but still...

Heather, you're a good daughter and I love you but, no, I don't have to check in with you or get your permission to go out. You don't have the right to tell me that obviously I don't care what I do or how it affects the family. I appreciate the fact that you worry about me but you know what....one day when you become Mom, you'll understand what I'm talking about.

The Kiss

2005-10-27T07:06:00.000-05:00

She sat looking deep into his eyes; she knew this was not right. She didn't belong to him. Yet, she wanted him more than she has ever wanted anyone. No words were spoken...she breathed in his breath, quivered with the touch of his hand, melted in his arms. The lust, the passion, heat that rose like a burning inferno. She never wanted this feeling to end. How could someone bring all these senses together with a kiss?

In Honor of My Sister - LuAnn

2005-10-18T11:03:00.000-05:00

You'll have to read her "Restroom Debacle" post to understand why she is being honored Lu

Breath In.....Exhale......

2005-10-12T08:49:00.000-05:00

This is my favorite time of the year. I LOVE the colors, crisp cool air, smell of pumpkin spice candles...I can't wait until it gets a little more cooler and light a fire so hubby and me can snuggle - not that we don't already but, it's nicer by the fire.

Ah.....what a relaxing time. Fall, the mountains, cool mornings this is my paradise.

My Dear Friends

2005-10-04T08:33:00.000-05:00

I read each of your comments and am deeply touched by every one of them. I want to thank you for all the kind words. Your sincerity is heart felt. I will try to instill these words in my heart and soul and use them as a guide.

I love all of you and hope that one day I can offer some encouraging words for you in your time of need or despair.

No the pain hasn't gone away, only dulled by your caring thoughts but, I have hope - hope that one day all will be ok.

Who Am I?

2005-09-29T09:44:00.000-05:00

I feel so empty and my heart is heavy burdened, breaking with pain. Who is the person I look at each morning in the mirror? My friends and family see me as outgoing, fun a social butterfly. Deep down I'm nobody.

I often wonder why I exist, why not end it now. Stop all the charades and pretending...I'm tired of trying to fit in somewhere I don't belong. Then again, where do I belong? I need to realize that I cannot impress people. I'll never be that someone...I'm nobody.

What do I have to offer? I have no knowledge of math, science or language. I don't have the degrees that will make me a success. Who am I? Nobody.

I'm not the trophy wife, super mom or award-winning actress...my husband loves me but I will never understand why.

I have not been the example or role model mother for my two girls. I have let them down miserably. I thought I was doing them right by being involved with their activities. But, was I? Do they appreciate me being there or do they put up with me-just because. Do they accept me as..."mom" or am I "MOM"!

I can't go on living this way. My heart is crying, sobbing but no one hears. I try to hide the tears with a smile...a task that grows harder and harder to do each day.

Today is no different than yesterday. Only a reminder that here I am...still pretending...still a nobody.

Some Weekend Humor

2005-09-22T15:02:00.000-05:00

One Woman's Tale of Woe-

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - the epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax...

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

IT was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No mess, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip, I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my who-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek.

Yes, it was a long strip. I inhale deeply and brace myself.........RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!.... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...........must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair....the hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake.......remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. Who-ha? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to crap. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

WRONG!!!!!!! I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment. I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glue together to the bottom of the tub!" There is slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking! Cheeks, hole or who-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now.....I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. Its sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

Flashing Lights...Mangled Metal-Broken Glass...Eerie Silence...Sudden Fear...Oh Dear God

2005-09-21T08:00:00.000-05:00

I was on my daily route (heading south) to work this morning - fussing about the traffic, mind wondering-what will the day be like in the office, I hate my job...what's going on! Why is the traffic stopping now! Are those headlights or flashing lights - oh dear Lord...

As the traffic slowly approached what looked like the Northern Lights...the north bound 3 lane highway traffic had come to a halt and then I saw it - the car all twisted and mangled, windows smashed, lying in the middle of the road on its top unrecognizable.

The police, fire department, ambulance, TDOT were frantically working. Just then the traffic report blared out - there is a one-car accident on 27 North with one fatality. All exits are closed and traffic has been rerouted.

As I slowly passed by this devastating moment, even though the lights were flashing, crewmembers working in frenzy, everything seemed to be moving in slow motion with an eerie silence. The kind that makes you think oh dear God.....long pause.....

The traffic slowly starting picking up and NOW everyone has decided to follow the speed limit, using turn signals, etc. It occurred to me-that was a dark car, was it a 4-door and was it medium sized? Oh, GOD please, please don't let that be Heather! I can't call her (phone turned off) and she won't be at work for another hour. Oh GOD! Calm down Marti...breath....

I get to work and watch the clock-for what seemed like an eternity! 8:00 I'll call her. Good Morning, Sphere Co. Angie speaking. Is Heather there? I'm sorry she hasn't made in to work. There has been an accident and she may be caught in traffic. This is her mother, I know there has been a wreck and Heather takes that route and I was just calling to see if she was ok. Don't worry, I'm sure she's fine - just stuck in traffic. Now I'm thinking to myself-how the heck do you know this, Angie. Are you psychic? Please have her call me as soon as she gets in. I'm at work. I will just as soon as she gets here. Thank you.

8:15 no call
8:25 no call
8:30 no call
8:35 - ring-recognizing the number. Heather I was so worried about you. Mom, I'm ok. Well I know how you drive, it was dark, I couldn't recognize the car, and I couldn't call you. Mom, it's ok. The roads were closed and I had to take the long way around to work. Well I'm glad you're ok. I love you Heather. I love you Mom. I just worry about you. Mom, I'm ok really. I love you Heather, have a good day. I love you Mom, and you have a good day to. Bye.

I took a deep breath, exhaled, and thanked God it wasn't Heather. All of a sudden, I was deeply moved...someone is going to get a phone call today that will change his or her life forever.

Dear God, I ask that you give that someone the strength and comfort during this time of loss and tragedy.

Be sure to tell your kids, husband, wife or SO that you love them before leaving for the day and to always leave on a good note - we really don't know what could happen in the next minute.

One person is dead this morning, after a one-car crash. It happened on Highway 27 just before 7 o'clock this morning. We don't have many details but apparently the car was heading south, when it lost control and flipped into the north-bound lanes around the Morrison Springs exit ejecting the driver. That driver was pronounced dead at the scene. Both directions of Highway 27 were closed.

Lauren and a Boy Named Carlos

2005-09-19T14:00:00.000-05:00

Heather - as we all know has continuous drama in her life and feels the need to include us in this drama on a daily basis. She has been friends with Lauren ever since elementary school. The two of them are like the bopsy twins. Both are drama magnets and deserve each other.

Lauren who is loud, obnoxious, demanding and has no social skills at all, decided to break up with her boyfriend for a new man. She decided that it would be a nice to date someone from - only God knows where....let's just say Honduras and his name is Carlos. Well Carlos can't speak a word of English and Lauren can't speak a word of Spanish. The two of them came up with their own form of communication...SIGN LANGUAGE! From the stories, Holly and Heather have told me, this is a sight to behold. Lauren tells him I love you by snapping her fingers at him then points to a bracelet that reads "I love you". She will ask him if he wants somnething to drink by holding an imaginary cup to her mouth and acting like she is drinking something. I think he does some kind of action back to her...I didn't catch all the details. They call each other "Poppy and Mommy" from a song.

Heather took 2 years of Spanish and has become their translator. I think she taught them a few words. Heather told me that Lauren calls their form of communication "Spanglish".

Lauren is in school and still lives at home with mom and dad. She hides Carlos in her bedroom without them knowing...he hides between the bed and wall until mom and dads leaves for work!

Must Love Dogs, Internet Dating-Tyring to Finding That Someone

2005-09-13T06:50:00.000-05:00

Over the Labor Day weekend we saw "Must Love Dogs" with Diane Lane and John Cusack. It was pretty good but, I was affected by this movie in a way that I hope I don't find myself "alone" or "looking" to start a relationship again. The characters main tool for meeting Mr. or Mrs. Right was the internet. How sad. I asked Bret before the internet, how did people meet? We (Bret and me) didn't meet via internet. Are we so busy or technically advanced that we can't meet someone other than on a computer? What happened to how it used to be? Oh, yeah - WE have changed society is such a way that 10 years ago seem more like 100 years ago. People don't take time for themselves or each other, deadlines to meet, 80(+) hr work week busy, busy, busy...text messages, email, cell phones attached permanently to the ear...

My heart goes out to those of you who are trying to meet the one. We have a very close friend who is divorced and is wanting to meet that right person. He is having a difficult time. First of all where do you meet? In a bar, Singles or Divorced Group? WHERE? He vowed to NEVER use the internet. Unfortunately, he had to break that vow and is now titled "Meet Mr. Right..." or "Are You Looking to Find....".

I would like to wish everyone who is looking for their somebody or soul mate a quick discovery, love, and happiness.

God Love Holly....She Should Have Been A Blonde....No Offense

2005-09-07T21:00:00.000-05:00

After picking Holly up from band practice, she began telling me about the events that happened at school. "Mom, today Mr. Chambers (band director) asked who knew the musical term for Do." (pronounced doe) The room was dead silent when Holly chirped out - "a female deer" (Sound of Music - Do - a deer a female deer, Re - a drop of golden sun, Mi - a name I call myself....) the entire band cracked up and starting laughing hysterically. Mr. Chambers completely lost it. She said Mom, I was totally serious! At this point, I was laughing so hard at her but managed to ask what did you do while the band laughed? "Mom, I looked around like - what?" "That's the answer right?" By now, Mr. Chambers had to step down from the podium, turn his back and try to regain composure. He said, "Holly you just made my day"...I say God love her little non musically termed heart!

Front: Derek, Sarah, Holly (Brunette)
Back: Joseph, Eric

Where To Begin....

2005-09-01T16:00:00.000-05:00

About 9 weeks ago, Elaine our Research Assistant, son Cory (25), had to go to the ER. The ER docs thought he had gallstones...while in the ER he threw a blood clot and almost died. The docs didn't know what was going on with him. After being admitted to the hospital, the docs discovered that Cory did not have gallstones - but blood clots instead. A huge blood clot was forming and the doctors were afraid that it would move - so they had to put in a Greenfield Filter - this filters the blood and prevents blood clots from traveling to the heart or lungs. After receiving treatment to dissolve the blood clots and put on a blood thinner, Cory was scheduled to have the filter removed this week. Tissue has grown to the filter and the risk is too great to remove it. Also, if the filter stays in there are risks of long term damage. For now, the docs have no choice but to leave the filter in. Currently Cory is being treated for Lupus Disease but the docs aren't sure if he really has Lupus. Elaine has been on an emotional roller coaster ride. Elaine...we love you and are praying for you...we will get through this one.

Wednesday night my boss called and told me that our receptionist's father passed away. Nine weeks ago he was diagnosed with colon cancer that had metastasized to the liver. He received one chemo treatment and responded very poorly. The next day the family was told to call in hospice. His death was so sudden and fast - it has affected us in such a way that we are at a loss for words. Renee you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Today after lunch Shanna our X-ray Tech, received a call. Her husband's grandfather just passed away. She was so sadden by his death. In a way, he was her grandfather to. Today is his 84th birthday. The comment was made, "he came in this world on Sept 1 and went out on Sept 1".

After Shanna told us that her husband's "Pop" died Deb my boss, said, "it comes in 3's...who's next?" She raised her hand. I immediately said no! Don't say that! My heart crumbled...

Deb has been diagnosed with a rare case of ovarian cancer and has been on chemotherapy for 2 1/2 years. The cancer has never gone into remission. The cancer was surgically removed but last week; she received horrible news...the cancer is back - new growth. Her OB doc told her that he was not going to change her treatment. He could do a biopsy but it will only tell them what they already know....she has a progressing disease - cancer.

Deb was scheduled for a MUGA scan Wednesday - this test tells if or how the heart has been affected by chemo - well we (Janet and I) read the report. We forgot what the numbers and percentages were that meant everything looked good or bad and according to the report - there was a significant change. Of course, the two of us thought the worse! I went to the bathroom and broke down. I cried for my dear friend. I cried for her fear of not knowing and what am I going to do. Thankfully, the report was good and we had completely missed the boat with the numbers...THANK YOU GOD!

Deb has swelling in her chest/breast area going on 3 weeks and had to go for an MRI this morning. Once again, we read the report - this time something is wrong. She had to call her OB doc as well as the Oncology (cancer) doc. She is waiting for them to return her call. In the meantime...here we sit in the office trying to guess what this or that could mean and will the docs do this or that. Both docs called back and she is scheduled for a biopsy Tuesday, Sept. 6. The oncology doc nurse told her that it "might not" be a tumor - tumors don't grow "that fast". The nurse said she felt sure that is wasn't inflammatory breast cancer (IBC). According to Deb and the internet, she has all the symptoms for IBC.

As we were walking out to our cars yesterday, Deb said what am I going to tell my kids...I said you're going have to tell them the truth-Girls I have a biopsy scheduled for Tuesday and it could be a tumor....there was a silent pause. We gave each other a hug, said, "I love you", and went our separate ways. I got in my car and started crying again. I called Lu and told her everything and that I'm not ready to see my friend in a casket. I cried the whole way home. Deb I can't live in this office without you.

We, I say "we" because all the girls here in the office have become so close....like sisters, are scared to death. Deb has been so strong and such an inspiration to so many people but now, we want to take care of her and be strong for her. Deb please let us do that you...My dearest friend.

Deb and her family

I Just Don't Have A Clue

2005-08-24T13:30:00.000-05:00

P called last night to let me know that she's waiting for me to decide where and what tattoo design I want. At this moment, I don't have a clue. I do want a tattoo but....

I've thought about a toe ring-I like wearing them in the summer with sandals or bare foot. And I've thought about on my back - what to do, what to do!

As for the design....ugh! The pressure is getting to me!

I am open for suggestions.

If You Don't Like What You Read...Stay Out of My Blog

2005-08-22T12:55:00.000-05:00

I've learned that some of my posts have incensed a few people...just so you know this is my blog. I write about things when I'm happy, mad, depressed or just don't give a crap.

Yes, my husband, kids, family and friends infuriate me at times then on the other hand, they can my heart sing. Sometimes I get so depressed that I want the whole world to go away and leave me the hell alone!

So if you nose around my blog, don't like what you read, or become offended, don't blame or take it out on me...I can't help it if you wear your feelings on your shirtsleeve or can't handle the truth.

You've been warned...read at your own risk!

My Dream May Come True After All...

2005-08-17T15:00:00.000-05:00

Monday, Aug 15 was Hollywood's first day of school. This year she is taking Latin. I was somewhat worried when she told me this. As some of you know, my desire is to be an Italian or at least pretend...I bought a CD that teaches conversational Italian. When I listened to them (driving in the car with HW) she would roll her eyes and say - Mom just stick to English - you're not Italian. After that comment, I purposely tortured her with the CD's every time we got in the car (hee-hee).

Monday after school, Holly was excited about her Latin class.

Mom! I think Latin is going to be my favorite class

Holly - stick to English - you're not Latin. (She handed me a mountain of papers to sign - one from her Latin class)

Holly did you read this paper before signing it?

Yes Mom.

Holly are you sure?

Yes Mom.

I really don't think you did - read it again and be sure to reread #6.

(Sigh) hand it to me Mom. OMG! Eyes big as softballs!!!

You didn't read it did you? If you had you would have noticed -

"This year the Latin class will be going to Italy (Rome or Paris) if there is enough interest and according to world events." The trip costs around $2000.00/person

ITALY! Our class is going to Italy!

I've got to call your daddy!!

Hubby - hello?

You're not going to believe this! Holly's Latin class is going to Italy!

You're kidding

NO! YIPPEEEEEE It's going to cost $4000.00 for both of us to go.

Um...you're going have to save up some money

I know...I'm so happy...I can't believe it! Oh happy day!

This will mean that Holly and you won't get to go to Texas with the band.

I don't care! It's Italy!

I'm so happy! I can't believe it! Let me call you back after while.

Mom! I have to go to Texas. It's a competition!

Not if we're going to Italy!

Mom calm down...what if the teacher (Latin) won't let you go?

Oh I'm going. Don't think for one second I'm NOT!!!

Holly's eyes are rolling as she smiles...

Lost track of time - Holly and I get ready for bed.

Still beaming...I lie in bed trying to remember the little Italian that I learned oh well, it's time to break out the CD's and check for Italian classes here at the state college.

Holly recently told me that she burned my CD's - I really can't find them...the little hussy!

Hey Satan! I hear you got a problem....

2005-08-16T04:56:00.000-05:00

Marti has graciously offered me the opportunity to hone my sweet blogging skills on HER blog. This, then is my story, and I'm stickin' to it.............

It is common knowledge in my family that my husband is... how shall I put this? A little quick on the draw in the bedroom.... Of course, if he KNEW that he was the source of many a joke and snarky remark, well, let's just say he wouldn't look too favorably on me.

Why is it common knowledge? Why, because I TOLD them, of course! Idiot that I am, I actually believed that I could have an intelligent conversation with them about something that was bothering me. The conversation went a little somethin' like this:

Me: Hey boys, I need to talk to you about something...
Mitch: What? I have no money, so forget it...
Mark: Yeah, me neither.... (butt kissing fucktard)
Me: No, no, it's not about money, thank you very much. It's about sex...
Mitch: (sitting down) Well, THIS ought to be interesting. What do you need to know, sister?
Mark: Yeah, and after SHE's done, I have some questions too brother.

Of course THIS starts a round of good natured punching, laughing, and joke telling. I wait, tapping my foot on the floor.

Mitch: Oh, sorry Chick, what's the problem?
Me: Well, I was wondering.... what's the usual time... you know, before a man.... what I mean to say is, how long does it generally take.... hmm, this is harder than I thought it was gonna be.. Ok, (taking a deep breath) how long does the sexual act USUALLY take?
Mitch: (on his face a serious, caring look) Well, it just depends... I'd say.. an hour, hour and a half...
Mark: Yeah, an hour, hour and a half usually. (slimy brown nosed YES man)
Me: (dumbstruck) C'mon, boys, I'm SERIOUS.
Mitch: So am I! You know, it's important to us MEN, (he gives a look to Mark to go along with this) that we give pleasure to our WOMEN, and so we prolong the act, as long as possible, to see that our women receive ultimate pleasure.

NOW, the two of them are grinning at each other. They've suspected the source of my misery, and like dogs on a hunt, are determined to pull the terrible truth out of me.

Mitch: I'm sure it's the same with you and Satan. Satan will want to make sure you are fully satisfied, before he reaches HIS climax. (He stands up to perform what I am sure he thinks is a MANLY pelvic thrust, into the AIR) After you get yours, he can get BUSY with it....

At this point, I'm still thinking the boys are trying to help me, irrespective of the pelvic thrusts. They certainly SEEM concerned and caring, don't they?

Me: Oh.... an hour, hour and a half huh?
Mitch: Well, sometimes less, I guess, if they don't have any self CONTROL. How long does Satan generally last? A half hour? That's certainly nothing to be ashamed of.
Me: Well...
Mark: Yeah, sister, you gotta give the guy a break, a half hour is good...
Me: Yeah, but what if it's less than a half hour?
Mitch: How much less than a half hour? Fifteen to twenty minutes? If he knows what he's doing, that's still a perfectly respectable time.
Me: Hmmm, ok then. Thanks for the help, brothers!
Mitch: Well, wait a minute, Chick. How long does he generally last? About fifteen minutes?
Me: Well, not quite, not 15 minutes. No.
Mitch: (Covering his mouth with his hand to hide his grin.) C'mon, Mel. Tell us. We are here to HELP you. We're your brothers. You have no reason to be ashamed to tell us anything.
Me: Well, ok. I guess. I mean, if you really ARE trying to help me.
Mitch: Of COURSE we are, that's what brothers do, isn't it, Mark?
Mark: Huh? What? (he's become completely engrossed in a Bugs Bunny cartoon, to the point of giggling at Bugs' wacky antics) Yeah, right. Here to help. Go ahead, Chicker. Tell us.
Mitch: How long does Satan last in the sack, Sister?
Me: About 3-5 minutes. If I'm lucky. But most of the time, I'm not lucky.

They just look at me, with this dumb look of disbelief. They don't even DARE to look at each other.

Mitch: Mel, surely you're just losing track of time, in the heat of the moment, right?
Mark: Yeah, you must just not be paying attention... you're not doing something right, or something.
Me: What the hell do you mean, I'm not doing something right? Of COURSE I'm not losing track of time. Time has to PASS before you can lose track of it! We have not had sex ONE time, when it lasted more than 5 minutes. What do you think I am, an IDIOT? Not doing something right... Well THAT is the fucking understatement of all time!

They look at each other and mouth the words "5 minutes?". Then they break down. They fucking LOSE it. They laugh. They yell. They hold their sides and wheeze. They punch each other. They repeat it over and over, "5 minutes", like a mantra. They ask each other over and over, "Did you hear her? She said 5 minutes! Oh God, that's funny."

Finally, they wind it down. Just a chuckle now and then is heard from them, as they wipe their eyes, and sit back down...

From that moment forward, I lived in fear and dread. My brothers talked about sex non stop. They didn't care who was around, they didn't care what the occasion was. They were CONSTANTLY debating, and discussing their sexual conquests.... And of course, they took up the cause of passively agressively making my life a living hell.

Anytime they happened to be around when Satan and I visited mom and Dad's house, you would hear any of the following statements gushing forth from one of their mouths:

"Hey, guys! Satan, you're EARLY! What happened, couldn't Mel give you 5 MINUTES to get ready?"

"Hey Satan, take off your jacket, man! You're gonna stay longer than 5 MINUTES aren't you?"

"Hey Satan, sit down and let's watch this movie for a little while. About 5 MINUTES is all you can stand, though."

"Wow, guys I'm tired! I'm gonna go to bed in about 5 MINUTES. I don't think I can LAST any longer than that."

It went on and on. I lived in constant fear. Luckily, Satan was a dumb sort of fuck, and had no idea what in the hell the boys were doing. Many a time, he commented to me, "Your brothers are weird." But thank God, he never caught on. He was and is a VERY private person. My sharing tales of his sexual prowess would have been tantamount to TREASON. I am not exaggerating this at all. Once he overheard me and his sister, making jokes about how many times we did it in a night. Of course, to HIS sister, I preached him up to be the stud of the universe. Didn't matter. He didn't speak to me for a week.

So, needless to say, our family get-togethers were fraught with tension for me. So much so that I began to make excuses for why we couldn't attend. Did this matter to my brothers? Not one whit. Especially to Mitch. If I didn't go there, he'd come HERE with a six pack and a pizza and a smile.

Then came what I like to refer to as THE GREAT STA-HARD DEBACLE. Never were their words to put more fear in my heart. As I recall, it went a little somethin' like THIS:

Rrrriiinnggg! I walk over to pick up the phone.

Me: Hello?
Mitch: Hey Chicker!
Me: Hey Mitch! When did you guys get in?
Mitch: A little while ago. How's about I pick up some beer and a pizza and me and Jeannie and Christy come up for a movie?
Me: Uh....
Mitch: C'mon sister, I'll behave. I want to spend some quality time with my little sister.
Me: (whispering) ok, buster, but you'd BETTER behave.
Mitch: I will, I promise. I'll be there in about an hour.

I wait impatiently for them to arrive, torn between excitement in seeing them all again, and fear of what he might say.

They arrive, and true to his word, Mitch behaves like a gentleman. We are having a very good time, and then I go to the bedroom for something. I hear something at the door, and look up. There stands my brother, grinning like a cheshire cat.

Mitch: Hey, Chick! Can I come in?
Me: (sitting on the bed) sure. Come on in.
Mitch: So this is the inner sanctum, huh? This where the MAGIC happens?
Me: Mitchell.... you PROMISED!
Mitch: No, no, I was just wondering. Have things gotten any better?
Me: None of your fucking business. I am not stupid enough to trust you NOW.
Mitch: So, that's a NO then, right? Well, don't worry, Chick. I have solved your problem for you. I brought a little somethin' for Satan.
Me: What do you mean, you brought a little somethin' for him? Mitchell, you BETTER not have brought him any marijuana.
Mitch: NO! No, I brought his this cream, it's called Sta-Hard, and you rub it.....
Me: MITCHELL, ARE YOU CRAZY!! You can't give him that! He'll KILL me! Oh dear God, you have to promise me that you won't give him that.
Mitch: Will you stop worrying? I plan to bring it up in causal conversation...
Me: Mitchell, listen to me. YOU CANNOT TEASE SATAN. It doesn't work. He will kick your ass, then he will kick mine.
Mitch: He can't kick Jeannie's ass, though. She's a black belt.
Me: So? He'll just SHOOT her, then.
Mitch: Good grief, you are way too paranoid. I can be subtle! Subtle is my middle name.
Me: YOU? SUBTLE? Your middle name is "Fuck-Me-World! I'm-Coming-at-Ya!"
Mitch: Sister, you are getting tense.
Me: No, I will be getting DIVORCED, if you show him that cream. He will DIVORCE me Mitchell. You have no idea how private he is. YOu can't do this, Oh God! The Shame of IT ALL!
Mitch: Your middle name is "DRAMA-is-my-middle-NAME!" Chill out, and I will tell you how I'm gonna bring it up.
Me: You can't bring it up.
Mitch: I'm gonna lean back on the couch, put my feet up on the coffee table, look at Satan, and say "So Satan.... Melody tells me...
Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Mitch: You got a problem with your pecker?"

And with that, he turns and leaves the room. I get down on my knees. "Hello, God? It's Mel. I need you to strike my brother dead before he gets to the living room. I promise not to ask for anything else, ever again, Amen."

Well, God didn't answer that prayer, which is SO like God. The rest of the evening was spent in gut-clenching misery, as Mitch prefaced ever other sentance with "So, Satan..."

Finally, finally, it came time for them to leave. I heaved a sigh of relief. Another catastrophe, narrowly avoided. Mitch and his wife and daughter get to the door, and Mitch turns back...

"So, Satan, " he says. "Mel tells me you've got a problem?"

I had to sit down. This then, would be the night of my demise. Visions of blood dripping and oozing from various parts of my body swam through my head. I began composing a list of what I might take with me should I survive the night. Let's see, the refrigertor, mom and dad bought that for me, I can take it. My stereo, and I'll take that little t.v. in the bedroom. Probably won't be able to see out of my swollen, black eyes much anyway.....

Satan looks at Mitch. "What kind of problem?"

Mitch smiles sweetly at me.

Sweet, sweet Lord. Save me.

"Oh she said it wass something about your truck. I was just gonna offer to help you if you need any help. You can have Mel call me. G'night!"

Satan looked over at me to ask what THAT was all about.

But I had collapsed in a fit of hysterical giggles.

Thanks, Marti! Have a great day, everyone!

melodyann

Why Women Are Crabby

2005-08-12T10:27:00.000-05:00

We started to "bud" into our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find out that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils, leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we had swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says,"Please stop screaming", Mrs. HEAR ME ROAR. Calm down and push. Just one more good push (More like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the OB and hubby square in the face for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 lb bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, ,jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

Then... come their teen years. Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's while hubby had his some where around his 18th birthday and is now all but null and void.

So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or sweat like a hog, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby.

Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.

The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause.
Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and Psycho

I'm Still Here

2005-08-11T06:55:00.000-05:00

my work morning routine consists of, first one in the office - turn on lights, wait until the next person comes in to make coffee (too much complaining over mine - it's so strong it'll put hair on your chest), turn on and login to computer, check emails and phone messages. i can hardly contain the anticipation and excitement - see if anybody stopped by my blog for a visit, read sister's and friends blog. i swear Lu and Vicki make my day with their stories. i hope vicki will buy a map or compass - no more atlanta/alabama/tennessee trips......lu's was so FUNNY this morning - still laughing!

with sisters and friends like you, who needs the comics.

Help I'm Stuck and Can't Get Out

2005-08-05T09:30:00.000-05:00

I've been stuck in a funk for over a week now and can't seem to snap out of it. Maybe I should start experimenting with my antidepressants (again).

My family (hubby and kid) has hurt me so bad...Maybe I'm being too sensitive or wearing my feelings on my shoulders but I am crushed and am having a hard time dealing with it. My dad is very sick (he lives 2 hrs from me). He is in congestive heart failure and has pneumonia. When sis called me with this news on Tuesday night, I immediately wanted to go help Dad & Mom. The wheels starting turning, I was making provisions for Hollywood - transportation to and from HS for band camp.

I called hubby - "Dad is sick. Could you take a couple of days off and come home and stay with Holly so that I can go help mom?"
Hubby - "Is he in the hospital?"
Me - "Not yet"
Hubby - "Why can't Lu go over to their house and help?"
Me - "Because she has a 5 yr old and a 2 yr old, somebody will need to watch them." (I knew this conversation was over) "Just forget about it, I'll call Heather." - click.

Called Heather - "Papa is sick; can you stay at the house with Holly until your dad comes home for the weekend?"
Heather - "Mom, (using her whinny voice) why can't Holly come stay with me?" "Why do I have to come up there?"
Me - "Because your car is about to blow up and instead of making four 20-25 min trips to the HS, you would have to make four 5-10 min trips.
Heather - "Mom (still whining) but S stuff is here and I have to babysit T".
Me - "T lives 2 blocks from our house and S (4 yrs old) can bring stuff here to the house. Heather I need you to do this for me."
Heather - "Mom I really don't want to and S wouldn't want to go that long without seeing her daddy."
Me - "Forget it Heather. I'll make other arrangements."
Heather - "What are you going to do?"
Me- "Don't you worry about it. It's not your problem. I'll handle it." - click. She called me three times before I answered. Again I told her to not worry about it.

I called hubby back and told him not to take any time off.
Hubby - "Why?"
Me- "I just won't go to my parents house and help" - click.

After I finished both conversations, I sat in the chair and cried. My heart had been ripped out and was lying on the floor. I thought to myself...I sure as hell hope I don't get sick...I would just have to tough it out or lie there and die. No help from hubby or kid.

My sister-in-law called not long after all was said and done. I told her what was going on. She said she would help with Holly. I love her so much and appreciate the offer. I didn't take her up on it because she recently had knee replacement surgery and is doing great, but I don't want to make it hard on her getting in and out of the car and driving. Besides, I thought that I could depend upon my hubby or kid. P thank you so much and I will definitely call you first next time I need some help.

After all of that...hubby finished work early and came home Thursday morning. He has yet to ask about Dad or ask why I haven't left to go help Mom and Dad.

Mel, I think I may have one up on you with Satan.

100 Things About Me

2005-08-01T11:00:00.000-05:00

1) I'm very much in love with my husband.
2) I have two great daughters.
3) I can't believe that my oldest daughter will be 20 and my youngest will be 16 this year.
4) I was born in Elizabethton, TN (East TN).
5) I am the oldest of four.
6) I have two wonderful sisters.
7) I have one immature brother-still waiting for him to grow up.
8) I use to collect caterpillars and kept them in a cigar box-in my sock drawer.
9) Mom was not amused.
10) I use to fight in school.
11) I lost my virginity at age 15.
12) I wanted to be a truck driver.
13) I would practice while driving dad's ton truck.
14) I lived on a farm with horses, chickens, cows, goats and pigs.
15) I don't live on or near a farm and don't want to. Too much work.
16) Dad thinks I'm a "city" girl.
17) I use to have to chop up firewood-with an ax.
18) I've broke and trained horses for Pleasure and Western Saddle Show.
19) I played the clarinet in junior and high school.
20) I can't play the clarinet-I forgot how.
21) My best friend and I were two of four students selected out of the state of Tennessee through 4-H to attend the World's Fair in Knoxville, TN for baking the best biscuit.
22) To this day, I can't bake a biscuit.
23) Ever since I was eight years old, I wanted to own a jaguar (car).
24) 31 years later still want to own a jaguar-probably never will.
25) My first car was a 1972 Pontiac Lemans.
26) Guys loved me and dated me for my car.
27) I learned how to "pop" the clutch and do donuts.
28) I out ran the police in it and would drag race down the middle of a small country town.
29) Dad sold it right out from under me-he was afraid I was going to get hurt.
30) I wished I still had that car.
31) Christmas is my favorite holiday-I love to decorate.
32) I wished there was a Santa Claus and flying reindeer.
33) I put up six 8 ft. Christmas trees-and would put up more if I had them or if Bret would let me buy more.
34) I love to spend the holidays with my friends and family.
35) I hate the winter season-no color.
36) I love the spring and fall season-lots of color.
37) I like to watch college football games.
38) I like to watch women's college basketball-especially the Lady Vols.
39) I played basketball in junior and high school.
40) I wanted to be a basketball coach.
41) I was going to join the army after I graduated from high school...I got married instead and with no regrets.
42) I married Bret three weeks after meeting him.
43) We eloped-I was mad at dad.
44) I would do it all over again.
45) I never attended college.
46) My parents haven't lived in the same city with me for 19 years and I desperately miss spending time with them.
47) I've lived in the same city for 20 years.
48) My dad is a pastor and has moved from church to church-A LOT.
49) I almost drowned when I was 6 months pregnant with our first daughter.
50) My brother couldn't swim but jumped in the deep end on top of me-we were going under for the third time, Lu rescued me.
51) I am terrified of bridges and water...while pregnant with first daughter I had nightmares of wrecking off bridges and the two of us drown.
52) I blame my brother.
53) I've been to a Psychiatrist for depression-he prescribed me two antidepressants. I didn't want to venture anymore into my past-I was glad he didn't push the issue.
54) I fight depression daily.
55) I sometimes want to end my life and not deal with the depression.
56) I have a plan for committing suicide.
57) I haven't followed through with my plan because I don't want to screw up my girls lives.
58) I'm not in denial-isn't that river in Egypt. (hee , hee)
59) I want to be a stay at home mom(SAHM).
60) I spend too much money-no chance of being a SAHM.
61) I have one daughter left at home-she is 15.
62) I have stayed at this job location going on 10 years-the longest I've stayed at one place.
63) I don't want to be at this place or at this job for 10 more years.
64) I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
65) I want to have surgery done to lose weight and keep it off forever.
66) I don't weigh enough to qualify-I have to gain more weight.
67) If I believed in reincarnation, I would want to be an Italian.
68) I believe in God and heaven.
69) I believe in Satan and hell.
70) I really want to make it to heaven.
71) Bret and I took ballroom dancing lessons and danced on the rooftop of the Harbor View Inn while on vacation in Charleston, SC.
72) Did I say I am very much in love with my husband?
73) I want to go on a road trip riding a motorcycle with Bret.
74) I want to go to Italy.
75) I am trying to learn Italian.
76) I've been to Charleston, SC...fell in love with my husband all over again.
77) I've been to Chicago...absolutely loved it.
78) I've been to New Orleans...absolutely hated it-too much water and bridges.
79) I went on a cruise to the Bahamas with Heather and the high school band as a chaperone.
80) I was drugged pretty much the whole time on the boat.
81) I want to travel all over the world.
82) I've eaten kangaroo-it had a very good taste.
83) I love raw oysters...got Lu hooked on them too.
84) I LOVE guacamole
85) I love to cook but never do.
86) We eat out for every meal.
87) I've smoked a cigar-it had a very good taste.
88) I don't like to read, I get bored with it.
89) I don't listen to the news or read a newspaper.
90) I would love to be a writer, the kind that makes people hold their breath while reading the words. (ironic statement)
91) I want a tattoo but am afraid of contracting a disease and I'm not sure of the design.
92) Holly tells me that I am so brutally honest that it hurts.
93) I still get excited about Christmas and my birthday.
94) I don't want to get so old that my husband or kids would have to take care of me.
95) When I die, I want to be cremated.
96) I am not a morning person.
97) I am not a night owl.
98) I think of myself as a "brunch" (midmorning) kind of person.
99) I hate looking at myself in the mirror.
100) I love laughing with my friends, kids, husband and family.

Be Careful What You Say

2005-07-30T10:00:00.000-05:00

i mentioned in the post below about having a bad week etc...last night as i laid in bed, i realized how different the house felt-no laughter, music, sound or warmth...nothing. complete silence-even with the family here. then i realized i didnt hear the birds sing, feel the sunshine or breeze blow or see the world in color. everything was in gray and the sound is on mute.

i couldnt sleep and didnt want to watch tv. i laid in bed wanting so much to see the stars and moon. i saw was nothing. i couldnt feel the pillow under my head or the blankets covering me. i felt cold and alone. all i could feel was the heaviness of my broken heart. all i could hear were shallow breaths - it hurt too much to breath. all i could hear were the hurtful and painful words spoken. all i could feel were the tears running down my face...all i could remember is "its your fault." maybe i should have chosen my words more carefully.

words are so dangerous and powerful. they cut and penetrate much more deeper than a sword or spear. when a sharp object enters the body, some of the tissues are cauterized-seared during entry therefore, the pain doesnt spread quite as far into the wound. not words...words cut and penetrate the soul. you dont receive a battle scar for bragging, all you get is the numbness and reminder of how deeply they hurt and linger inside.

i tried to tell to bret how he hurt my feelings but he didnt hear me. instead he told me how it was my fault and i did it to myself - at least thats what i heard.

the girls kept asking me what was wrong and i said nothing but they knew i was lying. at the time, i couldnt find the right words to say all i could do was be quiet and exist for the moment. i couldnt laugh or even pretend that everything was ok.

this morning i told holly what was wrong. i didnt try to sugar coat it. i told her the truth. i told her how the day may go but dont worry, everything will be ok eventually.

It's Friday and I'm Exhausted

2005-07-29T07:51:00.000-05:00

this has been without a doubt the most traumatic, emotional roller costar, drama filled week i've ever experienced. i was sure that i would be out of a job...still here. with the help of deb, we managed to straighten out one mother of a screw up, come out smelling like a rose and keep my job and, i received the most heart breaking insult from hubby, hurt hollywood's feeling (unintentionally) in one day-yesterday.

Damn...i wished i felt this bad from being on 3 day drunk....i have nowhere else to go but up (knock on wood)

hope everyone has a great weekend...

High School Band and Immature Adults

2005-07-27T10:00:00.000-05:00

miss hollywood started band camp this week - the hottest week of the year...they practice from 8:00am-9:00pm - with scheduled breaks. but the kids spend the majority of the time outside marching. she called me monday afternoon to inform me that she threw up three times, rinsed her mouth out and got right back in there marching. she has blisters on her feet and ingrown toenails that are giving her a fit....ah the joy of childhood....

this is the beginning of my 6th year with this high school's band program. heather was in the band for four years and holly is starting her second year-only 2 more to go!

i have served on the booster board for 4 years (took a year off) and have been reelected as second vice president. a mom whom i've known for 3 years - we became friends instantly, now thinks she is miss thang and all that - is serving on the board as first vice president - OMG i have made an amazing discovery!!! she needs to grow up.

july 4 the band had a booth - along with several other groups, set up at the park. i was late getting there to help with the set up. to this day, she refuses to speak to me....i asked her how long was she going to pout over the july 4 thing....her reply, "until we have another event and you redeem yourself." my thought...eat shit and die lady...you're pathetic and need to grow up.

this was last month and the band season is just getting started.

It's Just A Thought

2005-07-25T13:25:00.000-05:00

i thinks it's safe to say that we all assume the person commenting on our blog has become our best friend. i don't know what half the people who comment on my blog look like and for those who have pictures, i feel like i could pick you out in a crowd.

why is that we have taken on the internet blogging world as our family. we reveal our fantasies, disappoints, deep dark secrets, news from the doctors appointment, total weight gain or loss. we can pour our hearts out for all to read and yet we can't talk to our spouse, kids, siblings or parents.

the computer screen has become a security blanket for so many...after all what are the chances of us meeting or coming face to face with one another in this lifetime.

Heather and Holly

2005-07-25T07:00:00.000-05:00

i would like to take a moment to let heather and holly know just how proud i am and to thank them for being the two best daughters a mom could ever hope for. just watching the two of you together this weekend brought back so many memories....its the little things that you say and do that i thank God for picking you as my daughters.

you are maturing into two wonderful young adults - thank you for letting me still be apart of your growing up and life.

oh how i wish i could have kept you little forever. "girls please don't grow up, we won't mommy."

with all my love,
mom

Hello My Name is Marti...I'm a Blogaholic

2005-07-21T13:31:00.000-05:00

it may not show on my blog but, i have truly become a blog addict. my house is a wreck, haven't seen the dogs in weeks...i know he's in the house somewhere, i can hear him barking...i've lost the phone, tv remote control and forgotten what my husband and kid look like....job? what job? oh yeah i do go to work...

i blog surf too much but love reading other people's stories, adventures, sad and exciting news. someone should seriously start a blogger's anonymous!

Gasp.....Gasp....Oxygen I Need Oxygen

2005-07-19T19:50:00.000-05:00

i did it...i made it through my first workout. it was painful but i'm hoping to stick with it. THANKS for all the words of encouragement! i really do need it. i will listen to them and do my best to trudge on.

going back tomorrow...sore muscles and all! i actually wore shorts in front of people (first time in a long time) and felt naked. EEEKKK - the blog of human lard is coming my way! make it stop mommy, make it go away....sorry got a little carried away.

paula my "trainer and project manager" is great. i'm really glad she was the one who answered the phone and scheduled my appointment. i think i'll keep her - energetic, spunkiness and all!

to all my sister-friends - YAY-YAY! you're the best!

I Weigh How Much?.....Oh My GOD!

2005-07-19T07:00:00.000-05:00

i was slapped hard in the face yesterday...i mean the kind that stings and tears well up in the eyes. i know my eating habits are out of control....i kept saying in the back of my mind, "i can always stop." guess what, i was wrong. i blame part of my depression on my weight and blame part of my weight on depression.

i finally took a step toward making a change. yesterday i joined curves for women and today will be my first workout. i'm trying to psyche myself up for this but after the measurements, total weight gain and goals were established i felt like dying. my current weight is 209.6 - this is the most i have EVER weighed. i am crushed, devastated. i don't want my husband to look at me much less me look at myself. i told the exercise tech that i have a problem with commitment (unless of course it's something i want to do). i think i have become her mission, her 'project' oh how i hate the way that sounds...i have become a project for someone who is much younger, energetic, spunky and thinner than me.

deep down inside i know i've got to do this for me.....this is going to be difficult.

Meet My Friend...She Is New To The Blogging World

2005-07-15T15:21:00.000-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome with open arms my confidant, my freind, my hero! she is new to the blogging industry and would love to join the circle.....Dlynne

CHEERS

2005-07-15T07:42:00.000-05:00

here's to friends, family, laughter, love and good food...hope everyone has a great weekend.

Bombs Away

2005-07-14T18:15:00.000-05:00

first thing this morning...i walked in the office and our lab director made a beeline toward me to warn me to get both buckets out - the boss was waiting with both barrels loaded and cocked. damn it! i hate it when that happens, you know still holding crap in your arms, haven't unlocked your office door or had a cup of coffee....at least let me get in the door before bombing me!

apparently before i got to work the boss made an ass of himself in front of the residents (docs training to become orthopaedic surgeons), because the arthroscopy course was not on his schedule. he made sure every one there knew it was my fault. now i shouldn't let this get me down - all the residents know how he is but, because i'm the conference coordinator, this naturally becomes my fault...guilty, no questions asked, this is unacceptable...the funny thing is, i've never had to put the course on his schedule before. he and i discuss the dates and he gets a monthly calendar with all conferences scheduled.

so here i sit feeling like shit and have all day and seem to can't get out of this funk. i should just let it roll off my back after all office life must go on...but right now i seem to can't get up off the floor...still wounded from all the bombings...

Apple Martini - in a Whole New Light

2005-07-13T12:20:00.000-05:00

next time you order an appletini....ask for it frozen...delicious! my first experience with this delectable drink was in savannah, ga at the westin resort. some friends and I were waiting on the rest of our party for dinner. while at the bar, one person suggested i try it...now like you i gave him a questionable look but.....my oh my!

at the hard rock cafe, i ordered a frozen appletini...you guessed it, i got the same look i gave my friend....just tell them to make the appletini like the apple martini only frozen. joseph the bartender, told me he was quality control and had to "sample" all drinks going out...sure enough he was impressed...before his shift changed he told everybody how to make the appletini-thanks joe! a drunk appreciates good service....

A Favor From My Blogging Homies

2005-07-12T13:45:00.000-05:00

as some of you know, i have told you about my shadow...heather. well heather has joined the blogging world....and the name she picked is most fitting Marti's Shadow

i would be most appreciative and am asking if you would give her a visit. say hello, tell her what a wonderful person i am...hee-hee.

The Chicken and Horse

2005-07-11T16:18:00.000-05:00

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play
together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and
began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to
go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he
searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to
town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's
new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a
length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the
chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get ahold of the
loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the
rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward
and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse,
and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship
between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too,
began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse
thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking
underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he would
then lift him out of the pit.

The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out,
saving his life.

The moral of the story? (yep, there's a moral.)

"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks."

Home Sweet Home

2005-07-10T12:22:00.000-05:00

i called mom up the other day and ask her to move closer or at least halfway....we could meet for coffee and talk-she said ok. oh how i miss her and dad.

i went to mom and dads for a weekend visit and it was wonderful. i really should visit more often. when ever they call and ask when are you coming up i am reminded of ugly kid joe - cats in the cradle....."soon, i'll be up soon"...i always say.

i realized just how much i love talking one-on-one with them. dad and i talked about cooking (we both enjoy watching the food network), he enjoys talking about his pit bulls and i really enjoy listening to him tell his stories. i feel like the little girl curled up in her daddies lap listening with great intent, living on each word, forgetting to breath...while we go on another adventure.

mom and i talk about flowers, decorating the house, heather and holly. we both love to talk about my girls wedding - mom makes the most beautiful wedding cakes and i want her to make both my girls. mom and i really don't have to talk about anything in particular, we enjoy sitting in each others company. i feel so protected when i'm with her. everything is so peaceful. thank you mom for being the kind, gentle, loving person you are. i've always wanted to be your shadow and when i grow up, i want to be just like you.

mom gave me all my pics, from birth to high school - what a flood of memories. i laughed...i really don't want them to get out! she also gave me my first pocketbook - she made it out of denim and little appliques out of material she had made outfits for us and embroidered my name on it...i will treasure this forever....

i wish that we didn't have to grow up and leave the security of home....my only hope is that i can give my girls the same sense of security and love that i received as a child in our home.

NOise, NOise, NOise...

2005-07-08T22:06:00.000-05:00

OMG! i can't stand this depression....i usually get this way a week before i start. i hate it-absolutely hate it! i hate myself, my husband, the kids, the dog...water running to0 loud in the fish tank - music, laughing...i could go on & on & on.....

all i hear is NOise and it DRIVES ME CRAZY. SCREAMMM - i just want it to go away

I'm A Drunk Not An Alcoholic....Alcoholics Go To Meetings....Just Kidding Ma...I'm Really A Compulsive Liar

2005-07-07T12:30:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had a night where you just want to go out and relax with some friends? You don't want to rip it up like a rock star, but take the mellow approach. This is certainly not going to stop you from drinking mind you; but instead make the bartenders arm shift from his side where the well alcohol is, to the top shelf where the big ol' bottle of vodka known as Grey Goose resides. You impress the fellow co-workers when you order your "Grey Goose Martini; dry; up; with a twist". There is a reason that this premium vodka is the most requested in the United States. It simply rocks. Vodka is one of those great inventions that can be used with any type of drink. You can drink it in milk or fruit drinks, straight up, or with rocks. If you are going to mix vodka with anything else, do yourself a favor and order the other stuff. It is a shame to have this vodka diluted with any type of mix unless you are the type who takes a great piece of Prime Rib and throws barbecue sauce on it; mix away my friend.Grey Goose gets its ultra crisp taste from it distillation process. This French libation combines pure water and its grains in a copper pot. It is then filtered through a five step process using limestone from the legendary Gente Springs, in Cognac France. All these extra steps give it a crisp clean taste that will make you appreciate the French using the best ingredients, and the best processes available. You can easily see why Grey Goose was voted number 1 tasting vodka from the Beverage Tasting Institute. The smell is much like a milder version of rubbing alcohol. Lets take a sip....mmm....very mellow flavor to begin with, then you get that vodka taste as you swallow. It tickles your tongue as it goes down, and leaves no traces of itself. Can life get any better??

Just the Three of Us

2005-07-06T09:36:00.000-05:00

here we are....bret, hollywood and me. while in nashville, we ate at the rainforsest cafe. it's a wonderful place to eat and lots of fun for the kids!

My Fourth of July

2005-07-05T15:00:00.000-05:00

heather and sandra came over yesterday and spent most of the day with us. we enjoyed having them there.... i miss her so much. for those of you who don't know, heather is my oldest daughter and has moved in with her boyfriend and sandra his 4 yr old daughter. heather doesn't come to visit much but when she does i drink in as much of her as i can...in order to understand that statement, you'll have to read my humpty dumpty post. we had a great time watching fireworks at the park.

did anyone catch the televised fireworks from boston? i watched 30 mins of it and they were amazing!

A Weekend at the Opryland Hotel

2005-07-04T01:01:00.000-05:00

school and marching band season will be starting up in the next few weeks for hollywood, so we thought it would be nice to spend a couple of days away from home. hollywood suggested the opryland hotel - nashville, tn.

for those of you who have never been or stayed here, i suggest you give it a try...we have stayed in the hotel several times and never get tired of it. its the most relaxing, energetic, beautiful place...there are so many things to do inside this city. excellent food, sipping gourmet coffee, eating gelato (italian ice cream), great live entertainment, lots of shopping, relaxing at the spa, the indoor/outdoor pools...ah......it was great.

over the next few months the hotel is celebrating summerfest-throughout the hotel, acrobats, live bands...sculptures-made of sand, clay, and other earth products.i managed to take two pics of the sand castle and managed to delete the mermaid.

i cheated by copying some pics from the internet...i know the real thing is always the best but i thought you would enjoy a little glimpse of "paradise"....

Lifetime Girlfriends....

2005-06-28T16:20:00.000-05:00

i like to think of myself as the type of person who never meets a stranger....i love being in big crowds and meeting new people, which has turned out to be a good thing...i was in 8 elementary schools and 3 high schools and enjoyed the quest of making new friends. unfortunately, i didnt get to keep these friends for very long. just as we were beginning to establish the "pack", my family would move. Those of you that read lu, my sis's, blog know that she is totally opposite of me. she has perfected the whole blog concept. me, well lets just say i would rather talk to you sitting on a patio drinking margaritas, in the kitchen, on the couch, in a bar....as for writing about my feelings, memories, or what ifs...seems to be a difficult challenge.

while in the bookstore, "The Secret Language of Girlfriends" caught my eye. i began reading the intro and decided to buy it. i wish so badly for the circle of friends that most people around me have. i would love to meet at a different house once a week with the girls for coffee, cookies, wine, cheese and gossip. i never had the opportunity to make those lifetime friends and share or help each other during that difficult phase of life....teenage kids, mid-life crisis's (recently turning 39 too close to 40), gaining too much weight over the year, divorce, depression.....i would love to be able to tell the girls all my dilemmas and they tell me everything is going to be ok and in the end they were right.

i would love to be able to stand proud with the girls and watch "our kids" play in a basketball game, perform in a symphonic band concert, see their faces when getting that first car, crying with them because "that boy or that girl" broke our baby's heart, prom, graduation, marriage....

two of my favorite movies are the calendar girls and divine secrets of the ya-ya sisterhood. these movies have everything between girlfriends that i so desperately want.

To All the Parents, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles.....

2005-06-27T14:00:00.000-05:00

For those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"
"No Way!" - "Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
"Why?" (Adam and Eve)
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said
"Did not!"- "Did too!" - "DID NOT!"
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve
should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE: "TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

Is It All In My Head?

2005-06-23T09:06:00.000-05:00

i've had a headache every day this week. i don't get up with on in the morning, i usually start getting one after sitting my office for 10-15 mins. my job can be stressful at times but this week its been laid back and not too much going on (knock on wood). i mentioned this to one of the girls in the office and she told me that a former employee who suffered with migraines (as do i) use to say the same thing....hmmmm

Answered Call For Duty...

2005-06-21T23:30:00.000-05:00

rodney - my best guy pal just informed me that he has to go to guantanamo bay cuba for a year. he will be leaving in september. i know its not iraq but, i miss him so much now (hes been training in arizona) and will miss him even more while in cuba. other than my husband, he is the only guy friend i have that knows pretty much everything about me. i can tell him stuff and know that he wont use it against me or gossip about it. we have so much in common - we like to talk about coffee, beer, liquor, clothes, foreign languages, perfumes, shopping, cooking, motorcycles, cars, movies....hang out at durty nelly's or the fox & hound. oh yeah, he went christmas shopping with shanna (girl at work) and me. we had a blast...the three amigos. rodney be safe and hurry back home to your friends and family....

Tagged.....Had Fun Walking Down Memory Lane

2005-06-15T12:58:00.000-05:00

Tagged by the one and only little sis Lu. Gee Thanks....

What 5 Things do you miss about your childhood?

But first the rules to this meme game:

Remove the blog at #1 from the following list and bump every one up one place; add your blog's name in the #5 spot; link to each of the other blogs for the desired cross pollination effect.

1. The Cerebral Outpost http://thecerebraloutpost.blogspot.com
2. JustaskJudy http://justaskjudy.blogspot.com
3. Loose Leaf http://looseleafnotes.com
4. Lu's News http://luann919.blogspot.com
5. Marti http://marti2212.blogspot.com/

Next: select new friends to add to the pollen count. (No one is obligated to participate).

1. Sleepy Mommy http://sleepingmommy.blogspot.com/
2. This Moms Life http://www.thismomslife.com/
3. Ivy http://www.ivytiedup.com/
4. Helux144 http://only-me-at-home.blogspot.com/
5. Melody http://melslifeinanutshell.blogspot.com

Let the game begin

1. I miss horseback riding with Dad. We would saddle up our horses and ride for miles and miles. One winter we were out riding in a field and I wasn't paying much attention mainly daydreaming when dad came up behind RoEllen (horse) and me and smacked her on the rump. She jumped and I fell off her backwards. Dad was laughing so hard at me. There I was lying in snow on my back. Somehow I had managed to make a perfect snow angel.

2. I miss canning vegetables, jellies and jams with Mom. Although at the time I hated it, but it meant spending an entire day with mom and not having to share her with my sisters or brother (with me being the oldest, I was to help take care of my two younger sisters and brother). When canning season rolled around, I would always fuss about it but deep down inside I was jumping for joy! This meant I didn't have to help watch them but got to help mom instead.

3. I miss living close to our relatives. We use to have a lot of fun visiting them. Uncle Bill taught us piano lessons and had spectacular Christmases. He would decorate like there was no tomorrow and always cooked a feast. He could out do Martha Stewart any day. I also miss hanging out with my cousin Kathy. She and I would get into so much trouble. We would sneak into everything (fools). We would sing, dance, play games and act like two wild and crazy girls.

4. I miss Vickie, LuAnn and me singing and sleeping in the back of the camper on dad's yellow truck . We use to love to sing as loud as could, so loud that we would loose our voices. Our favorite song to sing was "Willie, Willie, Willie Woe, Go Home".....now I don't know where the this song came from or if it exists. The only thing we knew was it was a hit and we had perfected it!

5. Most of all I miss playing out in the woods with Vickie and LuAnn. When we heard dad's whistle, we knew it was time to come in. The closer we got to home we could hear mom yell, "Robin, Vickie, LuAnn, it's time for supper." We started running as fast as we could. We knew a good warm meal was waiting and we would be safe and snug as a bug that night.

Not Today, Tomorrow, or Ever

2005-06-14T11:26:00.000-05:00

after reading several blogs, i have come to the conclusion that i am not nor will i ever be a writer or storyteller. i do not have the caliber or finesse that others have. therefore, i am embarrassed to call myself a blogger...i definitely have not earned that title. i love the way others can express their emotions, passion and heartaches. to be honest, envy and jealousy has set in. i thank all of you for humoring me by visiting my blog and understand why so many others are much more interesting and stimulating.

M

Its Monday and Not Raining

2005-06-13T12:00:00.000-05:00

generally i hate monday mornings but i feel great today...knock on wood...i was offered a job saturday evening and am considering taking it. the company is going to write a proposal and present it to me within the week. if anything, i'm curious about the offer. i know the docs who are wanting to hire me and it might be worth while.

it rained everyday this past week which i enjoyed (i didn't have to water my plants in the evening and get eaten up by mosquitos) and the yard and flowers look beautiful. this morning i left for work with the sun shining and the birds greeting me good-morning. i enjoy hearing their morning conversations. it is so calming and relaxing.

I'm Not A Copy Cat

2005-06-10T21:50:00.000-05:00

i started to read fear on lu's blog. it immediately brought back the vivid memory i just shared...i furiously began typing and relived some of the emotions...i don't think i've ever been that scared before.

please don't think i'm a copy cat. i didn't know what she had written until i went back and read her story all the way through. i called her and asked if she was ok with my post...she is ok with it. neither one us knew that we had experienced the same thing. to this day we still don't know what was in the woods....

The Cabin in the Woods....

2005-06-10T14:37:00.000-05:00

i too wanted to explore the cabin for hidden treasures or secrets. I tried to spend a day in the cabin but the longer i stayed there, the creepier it became. the woods would grow very quiet and dark, the animals stopped scurrying around, and the birds stopped singing. the only sounds i could hear was the beating of my heart and breath-fast and loud. I knew, absolutely knew that i wasn't alone.

one day i saddled up RoEllen (my beautiful red quarter horse) and headed into the woods. i wasn't going to stop at the cabin-i was exploring new territory. i turned the horse up a trail toward the cabin. she jerked her head up, spun around a began running-full out back toward the house...something definitely was in the woods and we weren't invited. animals have a keen sense of smell and danger. i was terrified and never wanted to go back in the woods again.

dad, a "Grizzly Adams" kind of guy, was wanting to trap a bear-so, he continued to set traps. unfortunately he had a massive heart attack. while in the hospital and after he got home, he ask me to run his trap lines...my heart sank..but i told him i would.

the traps were to far out to travel by foot. it took a good hour on horseback to get to them. after i got home from school and feed the animals, i saddled up RoEllen and off we went to check the traps. it was a fight just to get her in the woods. on the trail we had to pass near the cabin. my heart was about to beat out of my chest-and RoEllen could sense that i was scared and became a little anxious. i said to her, "it's ok girl" and we trudged onward. by the time we made it to the top of the trail, she had settled down but was aware of the erie silence surrounding us. i noticed the trail had now become narrow, if RoEllen took one wrong step we both would fall off the edge of the earth never to be found..i made it to the traps and Grizzly A caught a possum. it was mangled up pretty bad - but still alive so i shot it. i got the animal out, buried it, reset the trap and headed back for home. it was cold, getting late and starting to snow. i was very nervous and began cautiously heading back down the narrow trail. all of a sudden RoEllen perked up her ears, jerked her head up and came to a complete stop. oh God, please help us. she became jittery and starting dancing around - OH GOD PLEASE DON'T LET US DIE. i yelled "we're coming out and you can't stop us!" i grabbed the saddle horn, wrapped the reins around my hand, and said, "girl let's get the heck out here and go home", then kicked her in the flanks. i know God was watching over us....RoEllen started out in a full run, i didn't look down or back and she didn't slow down until we got to the barn. after that day, i didn't go back to the traps or that section of the woods-and I never invaded whoever was there..space again.

just so you know, dad wanted boys but got three girls instead...i was definitely a "tomboy". Between me and lu, we could out shoot any guy, split firewood, break a horse, shoe a horse...just about anything. Oh, I was the oldest and the official bodyguard. so from time to time i had to beat the crap out of somebody for messing with my sisters. it was more than little house on the prairie...

for the beginning of this story, go to Lu's News, Lu and read "Fear".

Hallelujah, Hallelujah....Hal-le-lu-jah

2005-06-10T11:00:00.000-05:00

finally friday...yee-haw mamma. looking forward to the official start of the weekend. i will be hanging out with friends tonight and go to a froo-froo party saturday night. bought a new dress last night and will buy the shoes tonight!

Other exciting news...lu, my sis will be coming down next week to visit. i can't hardly wait. we have sooooooo much fun together. we both desperately wished that we lived closer to each other and could spend more time together. maybe its a good thing that we don't-we would get into TROUBLE every night. she is a blast to hang with. i am so lucky and blessed to have someone in my life like lu. not only is she my sister but also my best friend. hurry up lu and come see me!

That's What Friends Are For

2005-06-10T02:00:00.000-05:00

tonight alissa (my best bud) and I went out shopping then to chili's. we sat at the bar had a few drinks and was taking advantage of the good company. We laughed and gossiped...after all that's what we girls do best.. gossip. I was trying to explain to her the whole blogging thing and this ditsy blonde...i love her to death, could not comprehend or understand the whole blogging concept...i finally gave up...she went to the "little girls room" and my favorite band-DMB was singing satellite (one of my favorite songs). when she got back she said...if i were to blog you right now and ask why haven't you been to the "little girls room" and i've had to go 3 times already what would you tell me... i told her i had a wooden leg and she concluded because i was younger... we had a great time.

Colors - by Emily Smouse

2005-06-07T18:04:00.000-05:00

Colors

The red ink runs from audio, and the blue from a machine.
The messiahs are all wearing black and the glass is tinted green.
The water is discolored and tastes a bit like wine. But it's not red, it's clear instead.
I swear I'm feeling fine.
The rose candle wax is melted all along the floor.
The violet hallway just gets longer when I'm running to the door.
The sky is falling down but all I'm getting is some gray and a little bit of static.
I'm trying to tell you something, but there isn't anything to say.
I could scream it for you.
But I still doubt I'd make any sense.

Emily Smouse is almost fourteen years old and spends her time creating art, listening to music, and IM-ing with friends. She likes to say things to make people think, like: "It's really sad. I hate how people are like grains of sand. Hard to find, and always slipping through your fingers.

www.allthingsgirl.com

Wild Hair or Call Me Crazy - You Decide

2005-06-07T12:31:00.000-05:00

well i'm still depressed and have got to get out of this funk! this morning on the way out the door for work, i got this wild hair or crazy idea...how about increasing my antidepressant just a "smidge". i took the prescribed dose, cut one in half and took a 1/3 of it. so far so good - no abnormal symptoms or side effects and walking around in semi-conscience stat of mind instead of a zombie trance.

now i know i will get the "you shouldn't mess around with medicine like that" lecture or the "don't you know that's dangerous" talk but, it's get out of this funk or go to bed for a few days...i can't do that - i've got to work, work, work!

hm...just had a thought....its five o'clock somewhere :)

Blah, Blah, Blah and UGH

2005-06-05T20:40:00.000-05:00

First of all I would like to say thanks for all the compliments on Lu's work. She is very talented.

Been depressed for the past few days and don't want to blog about it....I want to be upbeat and happy and share those thoughts with all. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day....it's MONDAY UGH!

Check Out the New Look

2005-06-03T08:00:00.000-05:00

I'm not the graphic design genius that most of you are out there but Lu my sister is. I asked her to help jazz up my blog. I absolutely love it! She has done a marvey job. Thanks sis! I appreciate all the hard work.

Sweet Memories & Years of Therapy

2005-05-31T13:38:00.000-05:00

I can tell you many stories of my youngest sister but at the present time, she is doing a great job telling on herself. It was a trip growing up with two younger sisters, and a younger brother and dysfunctional parents.....did your dad fire a pistol at the worlds largest rat (while in the house)? Did your mom give you the ultimate afro of the century? It was never a dull moment in our house. We were used as moving targets with a bb-gun, chased down a long dark hallway by dad and him yelling "bloody fingers is going to get you" or waking us up in the middle of the night and him holding a flashlight up to his face growling. Ah, yes the memories of childhood. I haven't pulled any stunts on my girls but what if...sometimes a mean streak would come over me but I refused to give into temptation...well not totally. I do like to give them a good scare or embarrass the hound out of them! After all, aren't we a product of our environment?

Visit my sis' site you'll be entertained! Lu

What the Meme?

2005-05-30T20:35:00.000-05:00

Lu - the end is near for you babe. For the Love of God Jim! How could you do this to ME?

3 names I go by: Robin, Rob, Marti (I've always like the name Marti for me) ????

3 screen names I've had: rharvey, harveyrm, marti2212 (I like the number 22)

3 physical things I like about myself: my eyes, fake-n-bake tan and laugh

3 parts of my heritage: Cherokee Indian, maybe some white in there, and the rest a melting pot

3 things I am wearing right now: jeans, pullover shirt and favorite Victoria secret bra woo-hoo

3 favorite bands/musical artists: DMB, Sheryl Crow, Joe Cocker but there's sooooo many more Stevie Ray Vaughn, Sarah McLachlan, Wide Spread Panic oops thinking out loud

3 favorite songs: You Can Leave Your Hat On (Joe Cocker), Crash (DMB) Possession (Sarah McLachlan)

3 things I want in a relationship: Friendship, Faithfulness, and SEX

3 physical things about the preferred sex that appeal to me - MEN: Eyes, Mouth, and Butt

3 favorite hobbies: Spending Money, Spending Money, let me think oh yeah - Spending Money

3 Things I want to do badly right now: Have my husband home, ravish his body, not having to get up in the morning and go to work

3 things that scare me: rape, my husband leaving forever and never hear his voice again, wrecking off a bridge with electric windows or being in a car wreck and never recover

3 of my everyday essentials: Car, clothes, beer at the end of the day

3 Careers you have considered or are considering: Nursing, Teaching, and Coffee/Book Shop owner - never pursued any

3 places you want to go on vacation: Italy, Ireland, England

3 kids' names you like: Heather, Holly, Emma

3 things you want to do before you die: lose weight 60lbs and keep it off, own a Jaguar, go to Italy

3 ways I am stereotypically a boy: um...hit like a boy, I like to watch college football, can train/break a horse

3 ways I am stereotypically a girl: I can be a snob, I love shoes, and love jewelry

3 celeb crushes: Keanu Reeves, Matthew McConaughey, Pierce Brosnan

whew! Done - who's next? Let me see -

panthergirl (love your blog)

AngieB (the other kids think I'm a cool mom - just not mine)

Carmi (thanks for the compliment - yes 20 years of marriage is a milestone)

Vicki (who loves ya baby)

What A Wonderful World

2005-05-23T09:20:00.000-05:00

I know it's been a while since my last post but Bret and I spent our 20th Wedding Anniversary in Gatlinburg TN, Asheville NC, and Charleston SC. We had a blast! We loved spending so much time together and not having to deal with the daily drama brought on by Heather or Holly.

First Stop - Timber Rose Lodge, which I highly recommend to everyone who is planning a few days stay in Gatlinburg, TN.

I have been looking for statues to put in my, what I like to think of as a cottage garden, for some time. I had an idea of what I wanted but have had no luck. We were driving off the mountain when I spotted a statuary business (Concrete Statuary Designs (865) 436-3534) and asked Bret to stop. We pulled into the parking lot and I was in heaven. There were fountains, decorative benches, cherubs, birdbaths, animals, and the not so basic....Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Racing Cars, Mythical Gods, Dragons...etc. you name it they had it! I was on a mission. Eureka! I found just what I was looking for. There she stood proud and beaming, a replica of the "Savannah Bird Girl" from the book Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. She is not exactly like the original but I knew I had to have it. I waited patiently while the woman was helping other customers...when she was finished I walked up to her and was in the process of telling her which statue I was interested in when out of the blue she yelled - "Hey Joey, get over here!" I stood there surprised - the only thing I could do was wait for her to stop yelling. She looked at me and said, "Oh sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off but I had to get his attention." OK, um we would like to buy the statue of the bird girl...she started yelling again "Hey Joey, they want the bird girl get over and get it for them.." I looked at Bret and we both grinned and shook our heads...where else can you stand in the middle of a parking lot full of statues and yell for Joey to come help these people. We got the bird girl and a rabbit loaded in the trunk of our car. I followed the woman to the office and she yelled over her shoulder are you going to pay with a credit card or cash? I told her a credit card. Oh good, she says because I've already closed out the cash drawer. I asked if they were closed. She said yep, but I wouldn't turn down a purchase over $200....I just shook my head. When we pulled out of the parking lot, Bret and I had a good laugh. We decided that "Savannah" weighed too much for the trunk. We still had to go to Charleston,SC. When we got back to the lodge, we managed to get her out of the trunk and in the back seat face down. It looked like we had a dead body in the back seat. What an adventure and we have't left Tennessee.

Two Days Lost

2005-05-13T10:33:00.000-05:00

The pain and suffering of a migraine...I woke up Tuesday defiantly not feeling like a "champ". I knew something wasn't right. I though it was my sinuses or something in that neighbor. Being a mom, taxi driver for the morning school route and faithful employee, I got Holly up took her and a friend to school and trudge on through the downtown morning traffic. While sitting at my desk the pain and nausea hit me. "Please! Not now!" Yes, it was a migraine. I closed my door, turned off all the lights and laid my head down the desk. This wasn't helping and after two hours of complete misery, I told my boss I was going home. I called Heather and told her that she may have to come get me and I would call her when I was ready to leave. I decided not to bother her and left...I don't remember driving home nor do I remember anything about rest of the day. The next morning it took Holly 10 minutes to get me awake for the morning taxi ride to school. I made it there and back blurred vision and all. Collapsed on the couch and stayed there until about 9:00PM. Needless to say, this morning I pulled myself up out of bed, got dressed and came on in to work. You know how it is when you're out - everybody "starts to talk" or "question your motivates." At least that's how it is in this office. I began checking my email, JOY, JOY...my boss sent out email pertaining to a meeting to two surgeons with the wrong information, and sign my name it! Purgatory...you can check out but you can never leave...sound familiar?

Along Came Another

2005-05-10T17:40:00.000-05:00

Today Holly called me with much excitement - Mommy guess what (yes she's 15 and still calls me mommy), I got an award at school today. Now Holly is not the outgoing, never meet a stranger loves to be the center of attention person AT ALL. She would much rather be sitting in the background watching the world go by with no embarrassment or acknowledgment. She's like I'm here but don't let everybody know. She is so much like her dad. Anyway...she was thrilled to get the "Trojan" award....don't laugh; the school mascot is a Trojan warrior. She was recognized by her Ecology teacher for academic achievement, excellence, and role model student. She did have to go before the entire student body (2000) and receive this award. She did it without passing out, falling down the bleachers, tripping in front of everybody. I am so very proud of her-I hope this will give her self-esteem a boost! She has competed with Heather all these years and now she is making her mark on her own. Life has a funny way of making a small appreciation seem so huge at a most desperate time....

Humpty Dumpty

2005-05-09T21:17:00.000-05:00

A broken heart that all the kings' horses and all the kings' men can't put back together again. I was married and an instant mother at the age of 19. Two years after marrying Bret, he was laid off from his job of eleven years. He worked through a temp agency and was hired on with AT&T. This job sent him out of town - months at a time - I saw him 2 months in one year. My family had moved and so there I was living in a trailer with a toddler, no family or husband. I turned to the only person that could fill the emptiness in my heart Heather, my firstborn. We became extremely close. We weren't mother and daughter we were sisters and best friends. We would play Barbie's for hours and hours and hours...sunrise to sunset. When her daddy would come home she was so jealous. It was hard watching her as she felt betrayed by her mom and this person who she called daddy give so much attention to each other. When Heather was 4 yrs old I became pregnant with our 2nd daughter Holly. Once again it was just the two us. I was too pregnant to work, still no family, a few friends and husband on the road. So we played Barbie's, games, baby dolls, house...sunrise to sunset. The bond between us was stronger than any bond I have ever had with anyone. This bond remained strong through out elementary school, middle school and high school. She had to have her mom with her on all the field trips, band trips...you name it. Me and my shadow were inseparable. So I thought. This little shadow would stand so close to me that if I moved I would crush it or block the sun and hide it. I turned around the other day to make sure my shadow was ok and it was gone. I have lost it and can't find it. I didn't step on it or block the sun to hide it. It left me. I wished I could sew it back on like Wendy did for Peter Pan. I need this shadow more than she'll ever know...she has fallen in love for all the wrong reasons and can't hear me for the fireworks going off in her head...I just hope that someday soon she'll reach up and grab my hand. I will hold it so tight that she won't ever get away again...