Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Today, I'm Old

Remember when you were little and how "old" everyone who was taller than you seemed. For some reason I got it in my head that 40 was old. I never wanted to get that old. Even as a teen and young adult I never wanted to get to the age 40.

Today, I'm old. Today I turn 40. I'm depressed and want so badly to turn back time. I don't want to move forward.

I always thought by the time I do get to this age, I'll know exactly what I want out of life. I never really knew what I wanted to be when I "grow up"...and I'm amazed to find myself sitting here still trying to figure out what it is that I want to be now that I'm grown.

My sister greeted me with a pleasant phone call - NOT!!
M - Hello?
Sis - wake up Marti you're 40.
M - shut UP!
Sis - laughter - you're 40 and over the hill - laughter
Sis - Just say you're celebrating your 20th anniversary of your 20th birthday
M - put Seth on the phone

My nephew Seth (6 yrs old) is in the background yelling happy birthday - He sang me the birthday song and it was precious! His brother Jonah (2 yrs old) was singing so I told her to put him on the phone and he sang me the birthday song. It was adorable. That made my morning wonderful....

Mom called a left a message - it was so precious - I cried. I will cherish her words forever. Thank you Mom for having me. Thank you for being my Mom. I love you too.

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Anonymous Lucifer said...


lordy lordy, look who's .....

ah nevermind!! ;P

love you!

June 20, 2006  
Anonymous Ivy said...

Happy Birthday hon!!!

YOu arent old! But I understand what you are saying. TOTALLY! I always thought there was a certain age i'd hit and it would hit me that "OMG I HAVENT DONE ANYTHING WITH MY LIFE" or i'd just know what it was I wanted to do with my life or get from my life.

Yet every year when my birthday hits. Its that same feeling. I've accomplished nothing other than being a parent. And while that is a GREAT and WONDERFUL thing.. Its not all I am or all I want to be.

Of course its in my control but at the same time. I have to figure out what it is I want and that much I cant seem to accomplish.

Any age i've come to realize is just what we make of it.. Although i'm willing to admit. At my next birthday. I'll be just as depressed as I was at my last if not more..

June 20, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dont feel bad sis .....just think in 10yrs. you'll be 50.. hehehehe
So your 40 its no big deal your still a young....well a little young and you still have 50 look forward to.
Love Ya

June 22, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm always behind, but even though there was depression involved I hope you had a great birthday at the old folks home! 40 is just a number it doesn't mean a thing. Just take it one day at a time and enjoy it to the fullest. You are a great person Marti!

July 03, 2006  
Anonymous Ivy said...

Its been a month.. I hope you are okay!

July 31, 2006  
Anonymous Lu said...

i miss talking to you everyday....sigh

August 01, 2006  

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